Is saying 'no' really control?

I was perusing the NLA website and came across the program for Tribal Fire 2013 (to be held in Oklahoma City, and produced by the Oklahoma City Chapter of the National Leather Association). One of the workshops caught my eye:

"Join Pig and Kathryn as they tell you why it's really not all about you. And how the less you make it about you, the more you magically get what you want. Leave your limits' list at the door and heighten your experiences by negotiating with the word "YES!" rather than the constant use of the word "NO!" We want you to have fun. We want you to be safe. We want everyone around you to not think you're a douche.

Otherwise known as, how to be an awesome fuckpig of GLORY!"

From a D&s perspective, this prompts me to ask:

Is saying 'no' a way of acquiring control?

After all, a lot of what we talk about in M/s and D&s is about control. Isn't it the case that by using 'no' we are closing ourselves in or confining ourselves? And when we say 'yes' we're opening ourselves up and moving ourselves out of confinement?

Does this mean that by looking for ways to say 'yes' we're increasing the control available to us, and when we say 'no' we're decreasing it? For a submissive, this can mean that they have more control to give to their dominant. For a dominant, this can mean they have more scope for exercising control.

Last modified: Sunday, 7 April 2013, 4:47 PM